We would call Update on the secret, but that was racey and would occasionaly
fail. Instead use patch whenever we can.
Fixes errors like
```
boot: 2023/08/29 01:03:53 failed to set serve config: sending serve config: updating config: writing ServeConfig to StateStore: Operation cannot be fulfilled on secrets "ts-webdav-kfrzv-0": the object has been modified; please apply your changes to the latest version and try again
{"level":"error","ts":"2023-08-29T01:03:48Z","msg":"Reconciler error","controller":"ingress","controllerGroup":"networking.k8s.io","controllerKind":"Ingress","Ingress":{"name":"webdav","namespace":"default"},"namespace":"default","name":"webdav","reconcileID":"96f5cfed-7782-4834-9b75-b0950fd563ed","error":"failed to provision: failed to create or get API key secret: Operation cannot be fulfilled on secrets \"ts-webdav-kfrzv-0\": the object has been modified; please apply your changes to the latest version and try again","stacktrace":"sigs.k8s.io/controller-runtime/pkg/internal/controller.(*Controller).reconcileHandler\n\tsigs.k8s.io/controller-runtime@v0.15.0/pkg/internal/controller/controller.go:324\nsigs.k8s.io/controller-runtime/pkg/internal/controller.(*Controller).processNextWorkItem\n\tsigs.k8s.io/controller-runtime@v0.15.0/pkg/internal/controller/controller.go:265\nsigs.k8s.io/controller-runtime/pkg/internal/controller.(*Controller).Start.func2.2\n\tsigs.k8s.io/controller-runtime@v0.15.0/pkg/internal/controller/controller.go:226"}
```
Updates #502
Updates #7895
Signed-off-by: Maisem Ali <maisem@tailscale.com>
c919ff540f